Tavern Drabbles
by Kiva Taliana
Summary: Merlin appears to spend a huge amount of time in 'the tavern'. Arthur is determined to stop this. The only problem is... Arthur has to find the right tavern in order to do so. Complete and utter silliness in story form... ;-
1. The Rising Sun

"Sire, this isn't necessary," Merlin said.

"I'm sure it is. You have been spending far to much time here. Barkeep!" Arthur yelled the last word.

"Yes My Lord. What can I get for you?"

"Nothing! But you can, from now on, refuse my servant service!"

"Your servant?"

"Yes." Arthur waved in the vague direction of a cringing Merlin. "He's been spending far too much time here. If he refuses to leave, then call the guard, they will deal with him."

Merlin wilted further. The tavern owner looked confused.

"I'm sorry Sire, but as far as I know, I have never ever served your servant ale."

Arthur frowned. "What?"

"Your servant has not frequented this tavern My Lord."

"How many taverns are there in Camelot?" Arthur asked.


	2. The Left Fork

"Barkeep!"

"Yes, what is it?" the voice growled. A heap of rags suddenly seemed to move. Arthur wrinkled his nose and leant back, turning to glare at Merlin. Merlin glared back, trying not to scratch as he stared at the clientele of the tavern.

"You think I would come here!" Merlin snarled.

"Considering the state you look like sometimes I can't put it past you," Arthur snarled as he slapped his arm to kill a flea.

"Can you please, barkeep..." Arthur snapped, while he grabbed the back of Merlin's neck and pushed him forward. "...Not continue to serve this man any beverages! By order of your king!"

The heap of clothing lifted it's head and stared at Merlin. Merlin grimaced and cringed. The heap turned to look at Arthur and it bowed it's head deferentially.

"I can refuse to serve him. But as far I as I am aware, Sire, your servant has never been in my tavern. I apologise if I have caused you any offence."

"You have never seen him before? Is it possible you could have missed him?"

"No, My Lord, I am here every night, I know all my regulars. He has never been here before."


	3. Favour's Row

"Right Merlin, sit down!"

Merlin sighed heavily and slumped onto a stool, firmly helped by Arthur. Arthur eased back into the crowd. Merlin turned to glance at him and then looked away.

"Yes Dearie, what can I get you?"

Merlin looked up at the barmaid. "Erm, well, I... mead?"

The girl frowned and looked at him warily, her eyes drifting to one of the tall, stocky looking men by the door. At her glance the man stepped forward and Merlin shrank lower, sending a panicked look in Arthur's direction.

"This is ridiculous!" Arthur announced. He glared at the man, then looked at the barmaid. "Have you served this man before?"

She frowned and stared at Merlin.

"No, he looks like he hasn't entered a tavern in his life."


	4. The Griffin's Claw

**Half the fun of these is thinking up the name of the tavern... how many can I come up with?**

By this time, Arthur reached the end of his tether.

The clientele turned to look as Arthur dragged Merlin into the tavern and paused in the centre of the room, keeping a tight grip of Merlin's neck he almost lifted him off his feet as he let the crowd get a good look at him.

"Has this man ever been in this tavern? Tell me the truth, you won't get any retribution either way!"

The crowd murmured and then one barmaid crept forward, bobbing a little curtsey.

"No, My Lord. I've never seen him before." She tilted her head and smiled as she looked Merlin over. Merlin raised his eyebrows and Arthur snarled to himself, dragging Merlin away.

"This is ridiculous!"


	5. The Golden Bell

"The entrance for servants is through the side door, not the front."

Despite Merlin having started to think he should look up a forgetting spell, or something, he had to smirk. He sensed Arthur straighten up. Clearly the snotty owner didn't recognise his king.

"Excuse me?" Arthur asked. He looked at Merlin, who didn't dare open his mouth. Fortunately, one of the passing nobles thought to prevent a massacre in the best inn in Camelot by rushing over to whisper into the man's ear. His eyes widened. The nobleman nodded at Arthur.

"My Lord."

"Sir Edward."

"I'm sorry Sire," the owner stammered. "Do you require a table for you and your... friend?"

"My servant," Arthur corrected sharply, and loudly. "And no, never!"

Merlin gave a short yelp that converted to laughter as Arthur dragged him out.

"You are never to frequent that place, Merlin!"

"Never have, never will."

**and you guys have given me a few more ideas... ;-)**


	6. Rampant Cat

**Thanks to _castover_ for the name of the tavern, once you told me that it was just too good to ignore!**

"What sort of a name is that?" Merlin asked.

"Oh, they did it after that bounty hunter got killed by that cat. This used to be where he stayed," Arthur said. He stopped dragging Merlin as, suddenly, his servant quite violently dug his heels in.

"I'm not going in there!" Merlin hissed venomously.

Arthur tightened his grip, trying to ignore Merlin, thinking that perhaps he was along the right lines.

"Ow!" Arthur yelled, releasing his hold on Merlin's neck as Merlin found the most convenient part of Arthur to bite on, hard. Merlin wriggled free.

"And that serves you right!" Merlin announced, Arthur stared after him in bafflement.

"What? Merlin! ... What?"


	7. A Conversation

"How many taverns are there in Camelot?"

Leon blinked in surprise.

"I'm not sure, most of us attend the Rising Sun."

Arthur lunged and Leon momentarily focused on their sparring.

"I've tried there, and a few others," Arthur said during a pause.

"Tried what?"

"To find where Merlin goes."

"Merlin goes to a tavern?"

"Quite regularly it appears. Disappears for days on end."

Looking concerned Leon asked. "Is Merlin all right?"

Leon forgot his concern as Arthur leapt forward attacking with sudden violence. When they were both exhausted Leon finally summoned enough courage to say.

"Why don't you ask Gwaine, he probably knows."

"I'm not that desperate; yet."


	8. The Sly Fox

**With thanks to Scopet for the idea and Arishaa who offered 'the snooty fox' as a name which I adapted a little for this :-)**

Merlin became twitchy the moment they stepped over the threshold. Arthur pulled him to the counter, thinking he was on the right lines. Merlin watched several patrons pull their sleeves down to hide their tattoos. Merlin blinked as the ripple of unspoken conversation caught in his mind.

"Excuse me!" Arthur snapped. The bartender hurried towards them looking at Arthur and eyeing Merlin curiously. Merlin's wide eyes tried to convey the information.

"Yes, Sire," the bartender said in a low tone.

"Do you know this man?"

Arthur pushed Merlin forward. Merlin tensed. Considering the clientele, which Arthur hadn't identified, that was an inflammatory question. The only thing Merlin could do was eye the bartender with wide eyes and decide that the undercurrent of mental conversation was rather distracting and unhelpful.

Merlin realised he had actually conveyed that as the sudden metal flow cut off and the bartender, after a mild tensing of his eyes and a long look at Merlin said.

"No, I do not Sire."

"He has never been served drinks here?"

"No, My Lord, never."

"Thank you," Arthur said and hauled Merlin out.

Merlin's eyes rolled in his head as he caught the tail end of the sudden influx of mental conversations. One minute of his life appeared to have severely dented his reputation as all he heard in the passing echoes were various disbelieving tones of, 'that was Emrys!'.


	9. For Heaven's Sake!

"For heavens sake, how many taverns are there?"

"I thought you were going to ask Gwaine," Merlin announced, sounding sick of being dragged around Camelot every night looking for this elusive tavern. He hated Arthur, he hated his wet boots, he hated the rain dripping from his hair onto his face.

"I can find wherever it is in Camelot you go," Arthur warned Merlin.

Merlin snorted. "How do you know I stop anywhere in Camelot?"

Arthur stopped walking and turned to glare at him, Merlin stopped and sighed heavily.

Perhaps it would be easier to tell the truth and get himself executed.


	10. Hog's Head Tavern

"Hello again!"

Merlin hunched as the barmaid greeted them. She smiled winningly at Merlin. Arthur looked put out, and glared. Merlin gave the barmaid a wan smile.

"Mead again?"

"Yes, how did you remember?" Arthur asked mildly sarcastic.

"You're the prince, how could I forget? We don't have to worry about bandits now. It's just a shame you haven't been back since."

She smiled at Merlin again and waved her hand at the man behind the bar.

"Two tankards of mead for the Prince and his friend!"

"Servant," Arthur corrected loudly.

"On the house," she said still grinning at Merlin. Merlin sighed.

"Thanks."


	11. Foot Into Mouth

"That many?" Arthur asked as Gwaine reeled off names of taverns with ease. He had been talking to Leon but an eavesdropping Gwaine had interrupted.

"Why do you want to know?" Gwaine asked.

"I want to find the one Merlin goes to."

"Merlin? Why would he go to a tavern?"

Arthur frowned. "I think that is obvious."

"For me," Gwaine said. "But why Merlin?"

"I presume for the same reason," Arthur snarled, glaring at Gwaine. "Have you ever been to the tavern with Merlin?"

"Why would I go to a tavern with Merlin?" Gwaine asked.

"Just answer the question Gwaine," Leon ordered, before Arthur decided to behead a knight of Camelot.

"Why would I go to a tavern with Merlin?" Gwaine repeated incredulously. "Merlin, doesn't drink."


	12. The Sinking Wreck

**Although I do thank everyone for their naming suggestions, this one I had to invent, but I will keep all ideas in mind...**

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

Four knights and one servant looked at the lop-sided tavern warily.

"Why?" Percival asked.

"What's wrong with going to a tavern with my knights?"

"I think it's going to this tavern," Leon said. "It's doesn't look very safe."

"I'm sure it's fine!" Arthur said as he strode to the doorway with confidence. He turned and looked at the lingering quintet. "Are you going to defy your king?"

Elyan looked up warily.

"Percival, is it possible you could stand on the right side of the bar?"

"Merlin?"

"Gwaine?"

"I think it's safe to say, this is your fault."


	13. Sinking Further

**Worry not my darlings, as I have done a run of different taverns, I am doing a stint in the same tavern. I get where and why you are confused, but there will be three to four drables in this little section ... Arthur's gone a bit evil! ;-) **

Arthur looked perfectly at ease.

Percival eyed the rotten boards under his feet, even taking Elyan's advice to stand on the right side of the bar didn't seem to work.

Leon grimaced as he looked at the swamp water slowly seeping under the boards on the left side of the tavern.

Elyan inched his feet away from the encroaching water.

Gwaine slapped a fly away. "Since people wouldn't come here for the ambiance I hope the ale's good."

Merlin sulked. "Why are we here?"

Arthur grinned. "What's wrong with spending a nice afternoon out?"

When the barmaid dumped five tankards which looked to be filled with swamp water onto the table they glanced at each other and knew.

Arthur had discovered a new method of torture.


	14. Awful

"I feel awful," Gwaine said.

"I never thought I would see the day that he doesn't want to go into a tavern," Elyan mused.

"I don't want to either," Percival said.

"Me too," Leon added.

The four of them turned to look at Merlin. Merlin looked back with that wide eyed expression which conveyed innocence and seemed to now hint at so much more.

"I'll tell Gaius," he said. "Hangover cures in the morning."

Gwaine groaned again as Arthur strolled over to them, grinning in the way they had come to dread.

"Percival, please kill me."

"Only if you kill me first."


	15. The Violent Owl

**As has been suggest in the latest reviews I am going back to the tavern hunting, and have also gone through the reviews and picked out the suggested names to use for it. Some I might have to tweak but I do have a fair few to work with. **

"It's better than a night out in the open," Arthur said as he ducked to avoid the rather angry owl.

"At least we know how the place got it's name," Jonas said, also ducking. He looked confused as the other very pale looking knights next to him looked like they would prefer to take their chances with the bird.

"Rooms for myself and my knights!"

"We only have one room available," the barman announced.

Arthur shrugged. "No matter. Take the saddle packs up," he ordered. "And then you will join me for a drink, won't you?"

Jonas looked surprised as the others mumbled agreements in a less than enthusiastic tone. Arthur ambled over to the bar.

"Tell me, have you ever served someone... tall, dark-haired, annoying, wearing a red neckerchief."

"Is there anyway to make him stop?" Elyan groaned.


End file.
